Refuge
by Kmsimp
Summary: it's been years but when Rory shows up at Jess's door unannounced and in trouble he can't help but feel that old spark, maybe this time will be different.
1. Chapter 1

**JESS**

My doorbell rings and after only a second rings 2 more times, whoever it is is extremely impatient.

"I'm coming," I yell. "Jeez".

I wonder who in the hell would be ringing my bell like this at 11:00 at night on a weekday when it's dark out and raining and of course cold. I had honestly already gone to bed, the last few years living a very quite life of work, writing and home even though I'm only in my late 20's. I'd never been much the social scene anyways.

The door bell rings again like someone is just laying on it.

"Push that one more time and I'll take that finger and..." I start to say as I jerk the door open.

It's been years but I would know her anywhere. It will probably always feel like I met her yesterday and have known her my entire life all at the same time. Our eyes lock. Those blue eyes that will take your breath away. We both just stand there staring.

There's a phenomenon called Spatial disorientation, in aviation it's when a pilot's perception of direction does not agree with reality. The pilot can't tell where he is in relation to the earth, he doesn't know up from down. It's said that when flying in clouds over the ocean and the pilot can't see the horizon that he can get so confused he could be upside down and not know it and crash into the ocean. She does that to me. I don't know up from down, right from left. My world is spinning and all of a sudden I don't know my place in it. Her eyes are the sky and the ocean and I'm lost.

I don't say anything, I'm just so surprised. I haven't seen her in years. Of course I've thought about her, even if I try to keep her out she creeps back in. She's always just kind of been there.

"Rory" I whisper, I don't mean to whisper but I can't seem to find my voice.

And then she turns and walks away.

 **Rory**

I had been standing there in front of that door for long enough that if a neighbor had seen they probably would have called the cops. I didn't even really notice the cold or rain anymore. I was scared, confused, and alone. I hadn't known where I was going when I got in my car but then as I drove and drove it became more clear. As much as I was running away from something I was also running to something. Why him? Why now?

He was familiar, he was safe, which is funny because everyone always thought he was the bad boy, he was dangerous, but I knew better, I saw him for who he was.

I finally worked up the courage to ring the bell. I hear him on the other side of the door and my heartbeat quickens. Maybe I made a mistake, what if he's not happy to see me, what if after all this time he's changed, or what if he's not alone in there.

And then he jerks the door open and there he is. That same dark hair, his voice even after all this time has that tough New York street kid accent. It's obvious he'd been asleep, his hair is messed up, he has on a pair of jeans that he must have picked up off the floor, no shirt, no shoes. Every smart and witty greeting I had rehearsed was gone as soon as our eyes met. We just look at each other for the longest time, and he doesn't say anything, he doesn't smile, he just stares. It's clear I made a mistake coming here, I don't know why I'm here. I feel awkward and panic and decide to just walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Jess**

She got about a 1/2 block before my feet understood what my brain was trying to tell them and I ran after her.

"Rory! Rory, stop!" I call but she doesn't turn around. I reach out and grab her hand when I catch up to her and turn her to face me but she doesn't look at me. "hey, where are you going? You can't just show up here after all this time and then run away"

She looks up and I see that she's crying. It's amazing how she doesn't look like she's changed at all really. She is just as beautiful as I remember.

"I shouldn't have come, I'm stupid. You have a life and I don't want to..." She trails off and just stands there awkwardly.

"What? No, of course you should have come, it's been years! We have so much catching up to do." I say as I start to lead her back to my place. I'm in shock that she's here, I know something must be wrong. Last I heard she was living in D.C, working for some paper, making connections, really making a name for herself.

The warmth when we come through the door is what makes me realize how cold I am and that I have on nothing but a pair of jeans. I lead her to the couch and tell her I'm going to change and I'll be right back. She nods but doesn't sit down, instead she wonders around the room, looking at my bookshelves. I watch her for a minute then go.

 **Rory**

Hemingway, Hugo, Steinbeck, even Jane Austin, he has all the classics on his shelf that I would expect plus new authors like Sparks and Green. I wonder if he still writes notes in the margins so I just put a few and check and he does, it makes me smile that he still does that. I like that some things never change. I pull a book from his shelf, sit on the arm of his couch and begin to read.

"Some things never change" he says with a smile, as he comes back into the room and sees me reading. He tosses me a towel "you're getting water everywhere".

I laugh, it's like he can read my mind, and run the towel over my hair.

He stands in the doorway, taking it all in, and I feel self conscious under his gaze. Neither one of us speak for a long while, he doesn't seem bothered by it.

"The bathroom is down this hall to the right, if you want to freshen up. I put a t-shirt and sweat pants in there if you want to change out of those wet clothes. If you have a bag in your car I'll run get it later if you want, I'll go put some coffee on" he says before he turns and walks away.

"Thank you" I call after him but he's already gone.

 **Jess**

I start the coffee and begin washing the dishes that I had let pile up in the sink. I hadn't expected company and I'm not the neatest person in the world. I think things looked a little better when she came into the room.

"Take a seat and I'll bring it to you, cream and sugar is on the table already" I say as I get down a couple of mugs. I take our cups over to the table and as I hand her hers she reaches for it and I notice it, a ring. A diamond ring. On her left hand. What in the hell is going on here? Rory Gilmore, the Rory that after all these years I had started to let go, shows up at my house crying, at night, and is now wearing my clothes, and is apparently engaged to someone.

She sees me see it and immediately pulls her hand back. I try to recover quickly from the surprise and sit her coffee in front of her. I take mine and lean with my back against the counter. "So I guess congratulations are in order?"

She starts to cry again. A soft cry , she puts her face in her hands. God why did I say that?! Obviously things aren't good, if they were good why would she be here with me and not wherever with him. I'm such an idiot.

I don't know what to say to comfort her now but I know her, she's always sought comfort in books so I quote Charles Dickens to her "We need never be ashamed of our tears"

She looks at me then, sniffles a few times and quotes William Faulkner "given the choice between the experience of pain and nothing, I would choose pain" she says.

I laugh "maybe he never experienced real pain then. Maybe he knew nothing of real tragedies and heart break".

"Or maybe he felt nothing for so long that pain felt good because it was something" she counters.

She quotes "it's ok to be sad. I've been trained to love my darkness".

I can tell she's quoting someone but I can't think who, I run through countless poets, authors but I can't place it and finally she tells me with a laugh "Lady Gaga."

We both smile at the thought of her listening to Lady Gag and then fall silent for a few minutes.

"Obviously it's a touchy subject but I have to ask, is there going to be some man banging on my door in the morning, coming to whisk you away and right all the wrongs and get that fairy tale ending?"

She comes and stands in front of me and I really look at her, not just in her eyes but I check her out, I feel my pulse quicken as what I'm seeing starts to sink in. She just stands there and let's me see her, she doesn't say anything, her face tear stained but she's not crying, there's no emotion showing. There's a bruise on her face, a red mark on her throat, I see now that she's in a T-shirt there's a hand print on her arm.

"Sometimes there is no happy ending" she says sadly.


	3. Chapter 3

**Rory**

His fists are clenched and his face hard. I can see the anger burning in his eyes and I feel comforted to know that he feels anger for me. Even though he's obviously furious he reaches out and caresses my face, his touch so gentle, I can't help but smile. He pulls me to him and holds me so tight I feel like he's trying to piece me back together like I'm broken. It makes me sad to think that he thinks I'm broken. But he's so warm, I bury my head in his chest, he's so warm and his embrace feels so nice. I feel myself let go and I start to cry.

"I'm sorry" I say, " I'm just tired and you feel so nice."

He doesn't say anything, he just continues to hold me and rub my back and occasionally tells me it's ok as I cry. I don't know how long we stand there, me just leaning on him but he just stands there, he never even shifts his weight he just leans on the counter and let's me lean into him.

 **Jess**

I don't know how long I hold her for or how long it is before she stops crying. I feel an anger burning in me that I haven't felt since I was 16 years old. She's so fragile with her ivory white skin and small build and I feel like someone broke her. And I was going to kill him for it, I think of all the ways I'm going to hunt down this man and kill him, how I'm going to hurt him. I don't care if she leaves in the morning and I never see her again, I will make this man pay for what he's done to her.

I feel her start to relax and know that she's going to sleep. I only have 2 rooms and I use 1 for my office so she's going to have go take my bed and I'll take the couch.

"Hey, you really need to get some sleep" I say. "Let me show you" and I lead her out of the kitchen and down the hall.

Rory

His bedroom has a lot of white in it which surprises me, I was expecting something dark and cave like but instead it's white curtains and white bed stuff. There's a dresser and nightstand and a chair in one corner and that's it besides one painting on the wall of a weeping willow tree. It's so impersonal and clean, almost like a hotel room.

He sees me looking around and must know what I'm thinking "I like to not think in here, it's like my place to relax" he shrugs.

"I like it, it's simple, relaxing" I say as I crawl into his bed. It's so comfortable! He leans against the door and watches me, once I'm all in and under the blankets and he turns the light off and I notice a nightlight is on in the corner and feel comforted.

"Good night Rory" he says as he starts to close the door.

"Jess!"

"Yeah?"

"Could you lay with me awhile?" I ask as I scoot over to make room for him. He just stands there and looks at me for so long I think he's going to say no but then he wordlessly comes over, sits on the side of the bed, kicks his shoes off and lays beside me on top of the blankets. He folds his hands on top of his stomach, closes his eyes

"Good night Rory" he says again.

"Good night Jess" I say. And then it's quiet.

"Rory" he whispers after a few minutes.

I had already started to drift off and had to mentally pull myself back to this side of sleep "hmmm?"

"Where's Lorelai? I mean does she even know where you are? Or what's happened?"

"No" I answer simply, one answer to all of his questions

"Why are you here Rory? Not that I mind, it's just, why aren't you in Stars Hallow?"

I open my eyes and look at him, he's still laying in the exact same position, not looking at me or even opening his eyes, like he could really couldn't care what my answer was but I remember this about Jess, that he pretended to not care about anything but he really cared deeply about a lot of things. "I needed some quiet, I need to get my head together and figure stuff out and your the one person I know that doesn't mind quiet or ask a lot of questions. Plus no one would look for me here." And after I long pause I add "and because I feel safe with you, I always have". At that he opens his eyes and turns his head to look at me, the surprise registering on his face. I simile at him and roll to face away from him "goodnight Jess".


	4. Chapter 4

_(Thank you so much for the kind reviews and follows, glad you al, are enjoying this and hope you continue too)_

JESS

I can't sleep next to her, the urge to wrap my arms around her, to bury my face in her hair, to feel her pressed against me is just to much. I wait until I know she's asleep and I move to the chair. I don't want her to wake up in a strange room and not remember where she is and be frightened. She sleeps hard, doesn't even stir when I get up and I wonder if she always sleeps like this or if she's just exhausted, then I wonder if I'll ever have the chance to find out or will she be gone again tomorrow. I watch her sleep in the dim light until I drift off myself, waking up a few times during the night to check on her until the next thing I know the sun is coming in through the window. She's kicked the blankets of and her shirt has ridden up and I can see bruises on her back and again I think of this mystery man, the one I will hunt down and make pay for what he's done. She slowly starts to stir and finally opens her eyes, smiling at me when she sees me. I don't smile back, I shift my eyes to her exposed skin and back to her eyes and she immediately pulls her shirt down and repositions herself on her side facing me.

"Tell me" I demand.

"It's so early Jess, can't we do this later"

I get up and get back in the bed, on my side facing her so there's only about a foot between us "tell me, please"

"We work together, or worked I guess, I've taken a leave of absence and don't think I'll go back, but anyway it started as simple flirting and then drinks and then we just spent all of our time together. He was really nice, everyone likes him and I felt like it was time to settle down, I mean I was in the road all those years with campaigns and overseas and I just thought that maybe he was the one, mom likes him, he gets a long with Luke, he's even charmed grandma, he's been golfing with my dad, he's put a lot of effort into getting to know my life. And we never fight really, he doesn't get angry, never yells. I mean there were times, I'd get mad about something and he would grab my arm, it was always an accident that he grabbed to hard, or he accidentally pushed me into a bookshelf once, he was just trying to walk away because I was nagging about something and brushed me when he went by, it was all accidents. But then one night we went to a party, he had a couple of drinks and wanted to leave but I wasn't ready and he got mad. He grabbed my arm really hard and said we needed to go and so we left but like I knew it wasn't an accident. So we go back to the apartment and I tell him he had hurt me and I thought he did it deliberately and he got mad, said I was over reacting, if I had just done what he had asked, why did I always have to be so difficult. And I told him to get out, that he didn't get to speak to me that way and to just get out and that's when he hit me in the face. I was shocked, I didn't know what to do. He immediately grabbed me and tried to hug me and I pushed him away and told him to stay away from me, he pushed me back and I fell into the door, the knob really knocked my breath out, and then he's picking me up telling me he's sorry, it was an accident and he loves me and how he's going to make it up to me"

I feel an anger burning in me but I need to know, she needs to tell someone so I don't say anything, just let her talk and when she stops I can tell there's more so I just wait, I lay completely still and just let her continue when she's ready.

"He started kissing my neck, dragging me to the bedroom, going on and on about loving me and how sorry he is and how he will show me, and he pushes me down on the bed but like misses and he ends up pushing me onto the floor pretty hard, but he grabs me by my hair and pulls me up and tries to kiss me and at that point I think everything kind of finally hit me...so I kneed him in the crotch"

I laughed, I mean I was so scared at where this was going that it was more a laugh of relief but I was happy she fought back. She's always been feisty and this girl, the girl who fights back is the one I know.

"So I kneed him and he immediately fell over, I mean he had been drinking anyway and then the pain came and he just went down on his side and I ran. I just grabbed my purse and my keys and ran. It was a Saturday night so I went to my office first, I knew no one would be there and I cleaned myself up and changed into my workout clothes that I had in my car and went to a hotel for a few days. But I knew I couldn't go back to work, he's there, I couldn't go to my apartment because he has a key so I decided to go home to Star Hollow. I got in my car and was headed to the interstate and next thing I knew I was half way here, it's like my brain just decided and I didn't even realize at first but then I was just here."

There was so much going on in my mind, her whole story had my heart racing but I also noticed she said she wanted to go home and she ended up coming to me. I know this isn't the right time, the right situation for me to be thinking about what ifs and getting my hopes up that she feels the same way I do about a relationship we had when we were teenagers but it does give me some hope. "Did you call the police?"

"No, I just want to put it all behind me, I don't want to be a victim, I want to just start over and just figure things out" she says

"Rory, guys like this don't stop, he will find someone else and what about her huh?" I say, "what about the next woman?"

"Jess, I really don't want to discuss this, you are the guy who doesn't ask questions remember? You don't know what it's like." She says back, not meeting me eyes. "He's well known, he has connections, his family is well known, it will be in the paper, I will be in the paper! As what? As some woman who got beat up by her boyfriend? I'll be a statistic. Do you know who many women in DC are victims of domestic violence Jess? 1 every 16 minutes. I'm one number in a very big number! I don't want that! I didn't.."

"Hey!" I interrupt her, "calm down. It was a suggestion, no ones going to make you do anything or call anyone. I'm sorry I tried to pressure you." I place my hand on top of hers. " and for the record, I do know what it's like, well sort of anyway, I grew up with Liz and a string of abusive men remember? I've taken a few slaps here and there"

"I'm sorry" she says.

"Not your fault" I say, I pull up my shirt and show her my side, "see that mark there? Cigarette burn, I didn't bring some dude his beer fast enough, put his smoke out right there" I point to a very faded mark and she reaches out and puts her hand on top of it, covers it. "My point is it goes away Rory, you will never forget it but it fades, your going to be ok, it may take awhile but you will be ok" I hope that if I say it enough she knows it, she will be ok.

"Thanks Jess" she says. She closes her eyes and snuggles down in the bed some, I can tell she's tired and after a few minutes she starts to drift off to sleep again.

Her hand never leaves my side.


End file.
